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2009-05-24T08:36:00.001-07:00

sorry, tumblr seems to be a better fit these days

2009-05-21T06:12:00.001-07:00

I feel like my mom would appreciate this

2009-05-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

being in bethlehem and seeing two of my closest friends was just what I needed today.

2009-05-07T16:54:00.001-07:00

instead of writing my last papers or working on my last powerpoint presentation for tomorrow, I'm browsing the dieline and stockholm street style blogs.
before I go abroad (provided I do go abroad) I think I am going to invest in a good messenger bag and a pair of docs.

yeahh

also, ben accidentally developed a roll of slide film that I lost a while ago (I lost it because it went to chicago). excited to scan!

2009-05-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

I keep telling myself that no matter what happens, this will all be over at 7:00 tonight.

that doesn't mean my paper will get done if I don't do it though.

2009-05-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

brand new played with the get up kids in new york
and it happened in 2009. lol, Motzahs Ballzes???

finals are happening. I am about to start writing my 8-page political violence paper due tomorrow, I swear!

2009-04-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

summer no bummer 09 aint it fine

2009-04-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

an outtake, or, wasting film

2009-04-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

kamehameha means "the lonely one" or "loneliness of a god" in hawaiian

2009-04-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

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psychic friends is real

2009-04-09T09:52:00.001-07:00

The Reverse Ark School House

The Futurefarmers Reverse Ark has been built in the Contemporary Museum's galleries and the Reverse Ark School House is now open!

In the tradition of free schools and with a shared curiosity about learning, join us each Saturday at 2pm for free workshops, readings, and discussions as we explore some of the ideas surrounding the exhibition "The Reverse Ark". Workshops will explore a range of topics including farming and sustainability, DIY printing, water pollution, mapping, bird migration and much more!

Saturday, April 11 2:00pm - 4:00pm

Psychic Friends Fort Building and Lunch

The Baltimore-based artist collective Psychic Friends invites you to help build a tent in the museum galleries using some of the recycled materials gathered during the Futurefarmers installation.

Following our collective fort building, we will prepare and consume a locally-grown lunch gathered earlier that day at the Waverly Farmer's Market. The direction of our afternoon will be decided as the day unfolds.

You should bring:

Stories to tell
Imaginations
Pillows
Flashlights

All ages welcome!

2009-03-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

getting there is getting there is getting by

2009-03-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

where can I get a personality makeover, plz?

2009-03-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was looking back on some old blog posts on here (from the end of this summer, when I was a complete wreck) and, thank god you stayed away from me. and you probably won't be reading this since you did stay away from me but I would have only ruined your life more.

2009-03-22T11:42:00.001-07:00

spring break is almost done. oops.

2009-03-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

2009-03-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

a lonely bed isn't hard to sleep in, but getting up can be impossible.

2009-03-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

stressed & stressed & stressed & I love my friends.

(psychic friends was interviewed)

2009-03-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

costal

THE LOST WEEKEND

2009-03-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

this week is making up all the work I avoided last week (while panicking to get other work done). fixing mistakes and still not doing my political violence homework. my brain has turned to mucus.

-still have to do last part of part one of the type assignment
-start collecting recycled fabrics/things to stuff punk rag dolls with (also, try making one)
-talk to chris bowen about beer making/my gd project (wtffff)
-finish shooting one more roll of film/develop tomorrow after class
-meet up with dad for lunch after class tomorrow
-photo presentation lol
-am. writers presentation lol

the search left in my google search box from last night is "alcohol"

2009-02-23T14:19:00.000-08:00

I'm seeing jimmy eat world tomorrow night. they will be performing my all-time favorite album in its entirety (in honor of its ten year anniversary). it might be some kind of life-affirming event, or at the very least it will be really awesome to hear "believe in what you want" live.

2009-02-20T08:11:00.000-08:00

if I had my favorite music listed on my facebook, right now it would read: music from my hometown that makes me miss it but I know if I go back I will be miserable so it's best I stay here anyway.

2009-02-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

fiiiiiiiine

I am on tumblr too, now.
http://ummuhh.tumblr.com/

psychic friends website up now too
www.psychicfriends.org

also if you have last.fm, try this out: http://lastgraph3.aeracode.org/

spent some time hunting the light in my backyard

2009-02-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

2009-02-01T14:27:00.000-08:00

two sketchbook pages

2009-01-31T09:50:00.001-08:00

not sure I'm "getting it"

why my sister rules

2009-01-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

her favorite music, as listed on facebook:

Currently, my favorites are; Say Anything, Slingshot Dakota, Punchline, Scream! Hello, Circa Survive, Explosions in the Sky, Set Your Goals, Latterman, The Early November, The Wonder Years, Band of Horses, Algernon Cadwallader, CaP'n Jazz, Street Smart Cyclists, Ben Folds, Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, The Shins, Girl Talk, Gatsby's American Dream, Brand New, The Promise Ring, Bear vs. Shark, Owen, Hey Mercedes, Lemuria, and more.
(ok, so I'll let some of those bands slide, its not like I wasn't all about the early november when I was fifteen)

and her current fb status is: "stay positive"

2009-01-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

blinded by ambition//did I bite off more than I can chew?

2009-01-17T15:26:00.000-08:00

airing out my laundry.

slow grasp

2009-01-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

2009-01-11T18:31:00.000-08:00

is it just me or did everyone think 2008 was a really fucking weird year.

2009-01-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

new day's coming

2009-01-06T17:16:00.000-08:00

2009-01-06T17:07:00.000-08:00

stupid nervous doubting mess.
back in my boring home. forever the boringest person.

2008-12-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

does anyone else ever get a small, non-specific sadness? nothing overwhelming, just a tear in your eye and a sad sigh.

I am rarely overcome with sadness, but I am often sad. I like to cry, it feels like stretching out or relaxing a bit or indulging myself in something I typically resist because of the social implications. I am ok.

2008-12-25T19:02:00.000-08:00

ice keeps falling from our roof and I just heard ice fall off a roof from some house down the block. some kind of bizzaro dethaw. on an unrelated note, I miss that boy and everyone else in baltimore.
I might go to philly tomorrow with jessie and erik. I hope that happens. I need to get out of my house.

also, I started a blog dedicated only to my schoolwork/artwork. kinda like if I stopped being lazy and made myself a portfolio website already. oh well. http://emilyburtner.blogspot.com/

2008-12-23T15:25:00.000-08:00

I got some film from the end of this summer developed the other day; the above were from an expired disposable camera and even though they are unique moments, I feel like I've lived them all hundreds of times before. how many times have I looked up at that building? (the only on lehigh university's campus to house any art/architecture programs) I'll tell you, it's as many times as I've gone to tulum for quesadillas or burritos with my friends. I've walked home from wired with jessie countless times and even though our conversations and photographs taken of those walks felt important and immediate, they all happened before, between the same people, about the same things and on the same streets.
what I'm saying is, this town is too familiar to me anymore. it's a comforting place for a while, but then it just becomes suffocating. I'm ready for something new but no one else here is.

(I'll admit, that last photo was from a fun/slow day at work. juan and I stacked some cups)

2008-12-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

winter-break laziness is setting in. woke up at 7:30, went back to sleep til 10:30, dicked around on the internet/made my page for the PF site til 1:00 and now I'm eating leftover chili and drinking soymilk from the carton in an empty house. all I can say is: life could be worse.

also, I'm realizing how much I missed living above ground and with really nice light.

also, I hope I get some hours at the coffeeshop soon, or else I am going to run out of money by the time I get back to baltimore. great timing, amiright????

2008-12-21T19:01:00.000-08:00

pieces of dogs

(I just got so much film developed)

2008-12-20T09:30:00.001-08:00

not getting out of bed.

not getting out of bed today.

2008-12-19T16:55:00.000-08:00

everything will be ok. everything will be ok and I am only freaking out because I am very tired.

2008-12-07T13:43:00.000-08:00

much more than I can handle. hey! I'm gonna use some old drawings for my drawing final! I'm gonna be in dolphin all night but hopefully I'm gonna finish my etching. or at least almost finish it.

time to get serious!

2008-12-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm fucking up a lot.

2008-11-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been upset like that in a long time. or maybe it was scared.

2008-11-29T14:44:00.000-08:00

taken a beating at a dan deacon concert. lololollolame

2008-11-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

things I am thankful for:
-my family
-my friends
-my health
-being able to go to MICA
-psychic friends
-being able to see some friends before coming to Butler
-punk rock
-everything that I have learned/will learn

enjoy yr turkey, everyone!

2008-11-24T12:37:00.000-08:00

mindfuck is-

listening to Sunn O))) and browsing this website

2008-11-10T12:19:00.000-08:00

2008-11-10T12:14:00.000-08:00

(revisiting an old photo I originally took for granted.)

I probably couldn't wipe that goofy grin off my face the entire night

2008-11-09T22:09:00.000-08:00

at least I still have a sense of humor

2008-11-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am feeling tired and optimistic and excited. my past few nights have basically belonged to psychic friends, I really hope this work is almost done. I want to carry the momentum over to new projects and maybe even my school work, though. need to figure myself out. need to eat a stale sandwich, too. I got some awesome boots and "dookie" on cassette at the village today. life's pretty good.

2008-11-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

ask me how I'm feeling and care about the response.

2008-11-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

happy halloween from wayne and garth.

2008-10-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

ben and I rode to the bridge and waterfall on falls road recently. I'm trying to better understand the concept of collaboration. also, I am trying to be better at photography. but what else is new?

I have managed to map out my week so that I get everything except modernism and russia done. but what else is new?

2008-10-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

I feel very fortunate to be in this moment.

I also feel very tired at this moment, but looking ahead, I know I won't be resting any time soon. between the upcoming show, pulling the zine together, and my schoolwork, I've really got my work cut out for me. the stress hasn't settled in yet. sleep doesn't feel necessary anyway.

trying to keep the emotions out of this

2008-10-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

as far as getting work done goes, this break has been useless. last night I finished my gd1 homework though. my mom called me yesterday afternoon but I forgot to call her back for several hours. when I finally got around to calling her back, she told me that my grandfather has a tumor in his lungs. she then proceeded to try and ask me how to edit a .gif image for a website (made of slices, kill me now) (hint- you can't) for fifteen minutes.
I'm just really tired. 10 minute nap til dinner yeah! there's a mouse running all over our house and I'm having a hard time caring about catching it. my mom is coming this friday and she is going to take me grocery shopping and she is going to finally take my painting from last semester home.

I keep biting the inside of my lip. a nervous cold weather habit.

2008-10-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

we were all together for almost twenty-four hours.

out/in

2008-10-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

didn't get much sleep last night, I feel great.

2008-10-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

fall is definitely approaching. I felt it today, if not in the air, certainly in my bones. much less time has just passed than I felt, and I just sat in my kitchen not getting any work done. I got another new roll of film developed this evening and had a brief conversation with an old friend while waiting. thinking of her as an "old" friend feels strange, seeing as we've only known each other since freshman year of high school, but as far as friends that I still keep in touch with goes, she's one of the longest-running.
I talked to my mom for half an hour this afternoon. these connections to home are few, but they're strong. strong enough for me to not want to go home ever again, yet I feel certain I'll still have them. I don't really know why I am thinking about all of this now, it feels appropriate though. I don't know if I am going to go home this summer. I don't really have any goals in staying in baltimore, other than maybe taking a class and hopefully getting an internship. I get a very suffocating feeling whenever I think about spending another three months in the lehigh valley.

if I could draw naked people forever, I would

2008-10-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

finally got around to photographing my drawings from life drawing. it's frustrating, I like my in-class drawings so much better than the ones I do at home.

2008-10-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

I miss.
sometimes

(but not enough to go back)

2008-10-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

everyone is a flake

dark photos

2008-10-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

everyone was very far away, everyone was very close

2008-10-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

and I had never felt further from anyone

I should just give up

2008-10-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

SOMEONE TELL ME THAT WHAT I AM DOING IS RIGHT. I NEED CONSTANT APPROVAL FROM THE PEOPLE AROUND ME.

2008-10-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

everything is serene.

just don't let it be the last time you come in to my life

2008-10-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

you were listening to those songs the other night. I don't know because I was there, but I do know that you were. (oh, the power of technology!) I actually felt a pang of sadness (or something of the sorts) that came with realizing you were probably singing your voice ragged with those people you love. or, it made me sad to realize that I wasn't one of those people anymore. I've been fine without you, but sometimes I do still miss you.

and so, as my cliche always goes, I have this one song on repeat again and I'm hoping someday that chorus will be true. I'm trying to find a way to bridge this gap without making you too uneasy and this time I think I am ready. really, I don't need you anymore, but I'd like you in my life still.

actually, we're pretty small

2008-09-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

baltimore in relation to the rest of the universe

2008-09-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

weird things keep happening. I am doing shit, but not the right shit. ugh ah I keep writing the same shit over and over again but not I'm not doing anything about it. really I'm just really tired and my life is very busy and fun and sometimes kind of tough but that's ok because I can get through it and I've got good people to help me. woah wah wuh uhhhhh

one mindfuck after another

2008-09-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

andy mangold was nice to me today.

2008-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

can't focus.

ultimate mindfuck!!!!

2008-09-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

woah woah woah woah woah

------
so, everything rules and then someone tries to break in to my house.

2008-09-20T12:54:00.001-07:00

woah woah woah woah

2008-09-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

this band is really beautiful. this video is 10 years old.

2008-09-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

life is ruling except for this drawing I have to do tonight. not that I don't want to do it, but that it's due tomorrow morning and right now I have a 30" x 41" blank sheet of rives bfk hanging on my bedroom wall.

a visual study

2008-09-16T22:38:00.001-07:00

I keep thinking about these two photos and I wanted to see them together.

the devil seems happy to smile at me

2008-09-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

you know, sometimes you just need to pull yourself together and get a grip.

yeahhh

mindfuck

2008-09-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

stuff on my mind, stuff on my mind, stuff on my mind

hard work helps the time go by

2008-09-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

probably my first all-nighter of the year and why is it being spent at the gateway? paul baribeau came on and it made me sad and it made me want to be across the street singing my heart out for exactly 43 minutes with very good people. but, alas, I'm not sure that will happen much anymore. it's not all my fault, but he won't admit that he's at all to blame. I need to give it time but I'm so impatient. hearing "the rolling clouds" felt kind of like a breakthrough even though it is about nothing like what I am dealing with. I just realized that I don't want to give up on this friend.

also, my eating has gotten more normal again. meaning, I sat around my apartment pretty much just eating the entire day. life rules. or, it's getting better. I had a very long discussion about gender rolls, sexuality, and a certain boy with s.miller and it felt good to talk about it. I feel more justified in being upset and ready to move on and make a friendship from this.

I shot the pilot, now I'm begging you to fly this for me.

2008-09-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

these past few days have been rough at times. I feel very lucky to have these people who care about me though. it makes me wonder why I bother staying so upset. I don't feel like I have control over it anymore though. no matter how hard I try to feel comfortable, there are moments where I just can't feel comfortable and I get so nervous. I am becoming a bag of bones and I can't keep anything inside of me anymore (I am speaking both figuratively and physically).

I'm not running away from my problems anymore (just my mounting piles of homework). I think it's time for me to stop digging through my problems and just let them rest. things won't get better at the rate that I'm letting them.

waking up here is nice

2008-08-31T06:40:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in the 30th street station, waiting for the R5 to go home. I've had three and a half hours of sleep and endless stomach aches and nervous freakouts since late last night. I've fucked up again and right now I feel like I'm just running away from my problems.

I'll be back tomorrow though. I am kind of crazy for doing this and right now I'd rather be in baltimore but I think it's important that I go to this show and it'll be important to talk to him tomorrow when I get back. agh! I am so tired.

(can't turn over a new leaf until I find closure with this)

no more misery

2008-08-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

tonight was nice. I've managed to keep myself pretty busy today. it was so tiring. I'm not all the way moved in/unpacked, but I've got some time. I think tomorrow I'll try to pay trudi johnson a visit about switching up my schedule/major/concentration situation. also, I'll lurk all the new freshmen. OH MAN. max did this really great drawing of andrew w.k. in his sketchbook and carey and neil want to start an andrew w.k. club at mica and now all 4 of us want to get him to come and talk at mica. it would rule so hard if that happened.

this year will be good, damnit. stay posi. or, get posi again. also, I'm psyched to come home this weekend for punk show! woo! psychic friends started a blog? I am so into that idea except now whenever I post to it I get logged out of gmail and that's annoying. I made my first post tonight, but it's just some old things that other people made. check it out here though.

oof. here's a positive post for you for once. turning over a new leaf. wah wuh

bummin me out, man

2008-08-24T21:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you can tell but I am unimaginably stressed about coming back to baltimore and I'm mostly really stressed about when I see you because I have no fucking idea what is going to happen and I know you said you wanted us to still be close but you cannot deny that you've been way more distant with me these past few weeks than you ever have before and I know that this is partially because you are really busy with everything else in your life and that you don't need another stupid thing like me to stress you out but this isn't exactly coming at a convenient time for me either

I want roofs now

2008-08-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

it's weird, this transition.

(talking to people gets my hopes way up, even though I know the situation better and therefore know it's much more hopeless than I can convince them it is. I am leaving for baltimore in a few days and I am going invariably get my heart broken in a few days.)

oh well. toughen up, kid.

not to be a bitch, but........

2008-08-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

think more clearly, emily. look at the bigger picture.

I'm back sleeping or fucking or something

2008-08-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

days after this show, my arms still hurt from the weight of my camera and flash. that could also be a result of pulling reckless espresso shots. oh, the hazards of my jobs...

(also, sorry that these have all been show photos lately. I'm actually finally picking up some old film today! exciting!)

so chin up and we'll drown a little slower

2008-08-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

I cannot even fully comprehend how much I love this band. haha I've seen them three times this summer and I'm going for a fourth this thursday. word dawg. I'm tired.

I think things can get better. I need to think more rationally. more with my head and less with my heart/pants. you're right.

left high and dry

2008-08-08T18:04:00.001-07:00

this is not happening this is not happening this is not happening this is not happening

still want a refund

2008-08-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

this roll of film did not deliver. slightly disappointed, but that's what I get for using a camera with too many auto functions I don't know how to turn off.

change of scenery would be nice, change of attitude is essential.

there's still time to prove me wrong but I'd rather be miserable

2008-08-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

dear summer 2008, I want a refund.

all I want to do is hate people

2008-08-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

at the rate at which I keep letting people down, I'm not going to have any friends left here. it would be so easy to just ride away from it all. I always do and I always come back but there's got to be a breaking point. there's got to be a point where I am just no longer welcome here.
I know they generally don't really give a shit, but will they eventually get so sick of my bouncing emotions that they just don't want to bother with me anymore?

I want to talk like we used to, sitting on roofs and sharing sweatshirts when I got cold.

also, I miss tj a lot. he's the only person who hasn't acted with complete indifference towards me in these past few days. that's not necessarily true but it really feels that way.

(also, I finished "bummertime 200h8- the zine. I made it in two hours last night in a fit of motivation. I made copies this morning and I'm selling them for $2-$3 (just to kind of offset the price of color copying))

note to self:

2008-07-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

I went to philadelphia with my mom and sister today. it was nice and we talked about a lot of things. like, everything possible. I'm still deciding what this summer has been for me- it's been transition but I don't know what from or also what to. I don't feel any more grown up, nor do I feel that bethlehem is less of a home to me or baltimore is more of a home to me. it's just weird.

also, the youth of america need to wake the fuck up and realize that they aren't entitled to all the shit they think they deserve. I know I am a bit of a hypocrite in saying that, but I want to change too. also, I need to remember to send my rent check to joyce tomorrow.

see ya never

2008-07-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

oof. fallen on my ass again.

tj is moving to philly soon. why did that make me cry again? I am just ridiculous.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2008-07-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

in retrospect, nineteen has been very different from eighteen.

roadside graveyard

2008-07-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda bummed that I have to work tonight because I would have liked to go to that jan's room show tonight, even if no one would have wanted to talk to me there. I'll tell you something, lvpunx stand by each other.

_____

2008-07-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

andy ate dinner at a chipotle 20 minutes away from where I currently am. I wasn't allowed to leave to drive to richmond to see him. bummer. oh well, "monday's soon enough" right? right?

there's a lady in this room with a dragon tank-top and one of those leather things for ponytails. there is also NASCAR on the tv and AC/DC playing on the record player. I wish I were kidding.

if I don't do anything else this summer, I would really like to get a portfolio website made. this shouldn't be all that hard if I can get andy to help me. all of my budding web skills from first semester have fizzled into nothing. bah.

getting the fuck out of here, that is the goal- I'm going to bed.

THERE'S THAT ONE PART OF EVERY SONG THAT COULD NEVER BE TOO LONG

2008-07-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

For every place i'm at
I never want to visit
I know there's one that
I can call my home

(I'd like to take the time to share the beauty of this song.)

I'm currently wasting away in the suburbs of some city in virgina. there are a lot of distant family members here that I somehow can't seem to avoid offending. I guess I'm just kind of a standoffish person. I guess I just prefer quiet houses. I can't wait to go back to bethlehem.
maybe I'll just nap the rest of this evening away. that doesn't seem too bad.

talking politics real loud in the appalachian mountains

2008-07-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

-this is my friend, lauren, in her "thinkin' and drinkin'" spot- the fire escape out the window of her new room. I am slightly jealous- it's a beautiful room with two adjacent windows- both with fire escape access (unfortunately putting her room in direct risk of being broken in to by all those baltimore hooligans) but I shouldn't complain- my room may be underground, but my landlady seriously rules. she is putting in a motion-sensor flood light by the back door and apparently flowers have appeared in our backyard! dinowhore valley 4 life! (or at least the coming semesters!)

funny story- so we were in lauren's new room, and I was exploring the fire escape when I looked down and saw a faded old area/bathroom rug crumpled beneath the escape- in the divider between the two houses. I recalled a far-off night of drunken debaucheries (some of which I was a part of- albeit, sober) something having to do with a party at 1402 gone sour and me and a bunch of my friends found refuge in the ever-so-kind hospitality of becca rogers, who lived on the top floor of the house. everyone (or three people) started getting sick all at once, one on this very area/bathroom rug. I picked it up, anticipating just rinsing it off in the sink or something, but upon asking a now-frazzled becca, she just told me to "throw it out the window". I followed my instructions and then tried to help a hopeless mel find a bathroom (with out success, I might add). that was kind of a silly story.

anyway, I'm currently on a family roadtrip, so far we've been to ruckersville (?) virginia and we are currently roughing it in the appalachian mountains with my aunt and uncle and the neighboring dog who likes to maul plastic 5 gallon buckets. my sister broke my supersampler today, we'll see if I can find it in my heart to forgive her, or she'll just have to buy me a new one (my third one at that)

I originally came here to write about something tj told me, but I'm feeling less compelled to try and get serious. I guess I'm feeling pretty happy right now. it was something about "first world problems" actually, that's all he said to me, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately, what he could have meant in saying that to me. I mean, it makes sense- I'm being very very very petty in the grand scheme of things. silly things like crying over songs that make you remember too much aren't things you'd bother worrying about if your problems are bigger. do you get what I am saying? everything I complain about I wouldn't be complaining about if I didn't have a home or parents or food or money. but I do, so what else should I do but get upset over something else- something that will assuredly be more trivial than the world's problems. and yeah, yeah, I feel pretty stupid for giving my sister the silent treatment for two hours after she broke my camera, but it fucking pissed me off at the time. and the morning after, I realized I could have pressed "skip" when that song came on, but at two in the morning, all I really wanted to do was cry about the imagery that I can't seem to escape while listening to that song and know that I will never ever again have a chance to make that real. I mean, I am a ridiculous person sometimes (ok, a lot of times) but that's just who I am.

my uncle is loud and my dad keeps farting. oh my god. what the fuck.

doo doo da da

2008-06-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

the wonder years @ main st. baptist church, doylestown, pa. 06-25-08

this new flash rules. seriously.

just remember, there's nothing I can do now

2008-06-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

I will be ok ok ok.

why did I let that song make me cry so much? too much weight too much being remembered too much second guessing. just remember, there's nothing I can do now. let go let go let go. ~~maybe it's best if I never see you again.~~